Chasm
by AnEquivalentExchange
Summary: "It wasn't just that they had both almost died today that had opened a chasm between the brothers, it was that Edward had chosen to die today." Short oneshot taking place after episode 5 of brotherhood


The military dorms did not have a spectacular view. Every window gave way to the military grounds from a slightly different angle which was nothing more than a wide expanse of concrete with several buildings lining the outer edge. It was nothing interesting to look at and the scene grew boring after gazing out the window after only a minute or two.

But on clear nights, at just the right time, the moon would shine in and bathe the room in its ethereal glow. Alphonse decided those nights were his favorite, when the room wasn't nearly as dark and felt more serene and substantially less alone, even if he couldn't explain why.

The dorm was basked in the bluish hue only visible on clear nights. But this night, Alphonse couldn't bring himself to take note of it or even be bothered to care. It had been raining for days and the clouds finally seemed to have parted to allow the moon to shine in, and not even that could bring Alphonse out of his sullen mood. He felt bad that he couldn't appreciate the glow that the dorm welcomed tonight. And that just made him feel worse about everything.

It had been hours since the commotion had all died down, but Alphonse couldn't stop replaying everything over in his mind. He cursed his metal body, not for the first time, for allowing no sleep. Most nights it was borderline bearable; tonight it was damnable.

He clutched the sides of his helmet and curled in on himself in a vain attempt to get his mind to stop _thinking_ and to let himself go into his meditative state that passed as sleep. But he kept seeing Edward's body, rain-soaked and somehow smaller than usual, lying on the cold cobblestone in the middle of the road. Bits of his metal arm and severed wires littered the street and alleyway, mingling with the blown bits of Al's own armor. And Alphonse could do nothing nothing _nothing _but scream his nonexistent lungs out as a strange man tried to kill his only family left out of cold blood.

Alphonse knew if he possessed a heart it would be pounding now even just replaying the scene in his head. He could hear Edward's words just as clearly now, his voice was shaky but his words were firm as he offered to sacrifice himself in exchange for Al's safety. Al had no idea what he would have done if Colonel Mustang and his team hadn't showed up in time. He didn't want to think about it.

He was still mad at Edward. His idiot brother. Even for such a temperate soul such as Alphonse, he had to admit in that moment it had felt good to punch his brother to try and knock some sense into him. Even so, Alphonse knew the majority of his anger stemmed from how utterly terrified he was that his brother was about to give up and leave him alone in this world.

Al couldn't help but glance over at his brother. Night had fallen several hours ago and Edward had turned in early tonight. Al knew he was exhausted. Not just emotionally drained but sleep deprived as well; Al knew his brother was still suffering from nightmares due to what had happened at the Tucker estate.

But much to his surprised, when Alphonse looked over at his brother's bed, a pair of eyes was already staring back at him. In the darkness of the room their golden irises weren't nearly as vibrant but the moon still shone off of them, making them look bright and alive.

"Brother," Alphonse said out of habit as his initial surprise subsided. "Sorry. D-did you have a bad dream?"

Edward frowned. "I wasn't sleeping."

"Oh."

They lapsed into silence once again. They couldn't have been more than ten feet away from each other in the cramped dorm, but those few feet could have been miles for all Alphonse knew. There was a distance between him and his brother now, there had been all evening.

They had been fine for a while. After the shock of the situation had subsided and the brothers had been ushered into the safety of Mustang's office, it seemed everyone had bounced back into their optimistic selves once again. But once the Elrics had made it back to their dorm, they had settled into a stiff silence once again that neither one could seem to break.

Alphonse didn't know what he could say to his brother. He felt he had already said everything he had wanted to to Ed, and Edward had never been good with either his emotions or his words. Alphonse guessed his brother's silence was a signal that he was feeling guilty. Al wondered if Edward thought he was still mad at him.

Alphonse wanted to tell his brother just the opposite was true. Sure, he was still a bit upset with Ed, but more than anything Al just wanted to know his brother was okay. He wanted his brother close after he had almost lost him today, but Alphonse couldn't muster up the courage to break the brittle silence in the dorm and say those simple words to Ed. He had been running the words over in his head all evening, preparing to explain it all to Ed and squash his brother's guilt, but Edward had turned in early and Alphonse's words died unsaid.

Staring at his brother now in the semidarkness, Alphonse felt the words revive in his mind. He thought about saying it now that Edward was obviously paying attention to him, but still something held Al back.

It wasn't just that they had both almost died today that had opened a chasm between the brothers, it was that Edward had _chosen_ to die today.

So instead Alphonse just looked down at his knees and quietly said, "You really should try to get some sleep."

Edward didn't respond; Alphonse's gaze remained downturned. Maybe Ed wasn't in the mood to talk. Maybe he still felt the distance and didn't know how to shout across the chasm to reach his brother.

But after a few minutes of quiet, there was the swishing sound of fabric followed by the peculiar sound of Ed's mismatched feet touching the floor.

Alphonse looked up.

Armed with a pillow and a blanket dragging behind him, Edward walked away from his bed and wordlessly settled against the intact side of Alphonse's armor. After a moment of shuffling as it seemed Edward was trying to get comfortable leaning against the cold armor, the room grew quiet once again.

"Ed…" Alphonse spoke up, his voice both chiding and confused.

"Sorry." Ed pushed the words out quickly, quietly. "I just—sorry."

Of all the things Al believed his brother might say, an apology was not one of them. He saw Ed hold up his automail hand, turning it over while he pondered, and Al knew Ed was thinking about _that night _again, how he had been desperate enough to offer up anything to get Alphonse back. "I was terrified to be alone, y'know, _back then_. I never should have tried to subject you to that today too." He tapped Al's armor lightly with his metal hand. "I'm sorry, Al."

"Brother…" Alphonse couldn't think of anything else to say. "I forgive you. Just…don't try to sacrifice yourself again, okay?"

Ed gave a breathy chuckle and closed his eyes. "Right. But you have to make the same promise too, Al."

Alphonse looked down to see Edward nestled up against his side. "We're all we have left, Brother," he agreed. "We can't allow ourselves to lose each other so easily. I want to get our bodies back _together_. I want to be by your side. I don't want to do this alone. I don't want either of us to be alone."

Alphonse felt the chasm growing smaller as Edward nodded. "I know. Me too." He looked up and bit his lip, unsure. "Today…today was a close call. I just didn't want to lose you, okay? If…something like this ever happens again, we'll get through it together, okay? We've already made enough sacrifices, we don't need to lose each other too. Sorry your older brother can be an idiot sometimes." He smiled slightly, rubbing the cheek Al had taken his fist to earlier.

Al laughed quietly. "But you're right. Let's stick together, alright? No matter what." He held out his fist.

Ed smiled genuinely and bumped his hand against his brother's. "Yeah. We'll get our bodies back together. No matter what."

Al's soul felt at peace once again. "Now you really should be getting to bed, Brother. We have a lot of traveling to do tomorrow. Major Armstrong is going to be here in a few hours to help us to the station, you know. You need your rest." Al left out that he knew Ed needed it more than normal after the past few sleepless nights.

Ed grew quiet and even in the darkness, Al knew that his brother was blushing slightly. "I…do you mind if I stay here tonight?"

Ed looked uncomfortable asking even though they both knew this wasn't the first time. He had done it a lot during his automail rehabilitation. In the midst of a fever-riddle nightmare he would crawl over to Al's armor, seeking for both a calming presence and a soothing, cold surface. Al always wondered if Ed even remembered those times by morning. But once they set out on their journey, during the worst nights, when the nightmares came back and the stress of the job became overbearing, Ed would crawl back over to his brother, just like they were ten or eleven again, and Alphonse knew Ed remembered, even if he wouldn't mention it during the light of day.

Al lifted his one hand up and placed it gently on his brother's head, sealing the chasm closed for good. "Sure, Brother."

Ed seemed to relax into the armor. He nodded once with gratitude and closed his eyes once more. "Goodnight, Al."

Without saying even another word, Al could hear what Ed was really saying. He was just as scared as Al had been. No matter how much he put up a tough, older brother front, Ed was still just as much of a child as Al was. He just wanted the reassurance that Alphonse was still there with him when the night was dark and his mind grew unsure. Al never said it either, but he was grateful for the nights like this. The nights even nicer than when the moon would shine in through the room were the times when his brother was by his side. He decided those nights would always be his favorite and he knew they would never change.

"See you in the morning, Brother."

* * *

><p><strong>[AN: watched episode 5 recently and got more emotional than usual lol so I wrote this little ditty quickly on the train ride home for thanksgiving break. Have a nice holiday to anyone celebrating! And Im sorry to anyone that read any of my other stories. School has been crazy, but I'm hoping to have some time to write this week and once school ends in another week or so :)]**


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